These days ayahuasca is starting to come into the mainstream. Six years ago when I first encountered ayahuasca at a ecolodge in Peru, it was something I had never heard of, even in passing. Now it seems, ayahuasca is at least mentioned once in any comedic movie or TV series, in such as causal use way that it is shocking to see for someone who’s worked deeply with ayahuasca for years. Tourists are flocking to Peru in droves to take part in ceremonies, which even that is becoming less and less necessary as backyard ayahuasca ceremonies can be found taking place in any major metropolitan centre every weekend. Everyone is seeking some big out of body life changing experience, the experiences you’ll read about in most of the books on the subject, because that is what sells. Lately I see more and more people struggling after having the “life changing” ayahuasca ceremony and returning to their daily lives. All their old problems return in full force, but why?

What if I told you that more ayahuasca wasn’t always the answer? The western world has created a ayahuasca culture, but ayahuasca is just one tool of a much larger culture, shamanism. Many people make the pilgrimage to Peru thinking they NEED ayahuasca to be cured of their problems, but in reality traditional ayahuasca healing would often take place with only the Shaman undertaking the journey with ayahuasca. Don’t get me wrong, taking ayahuasca can be very beneficial, but our idea of needing a big ayahuasca trip for healing can in fact turn out to be very detrimental to our progress, blocking us from tuning into the subtle healing that can occur in the jungle without ayahuasca induced mariacions. I had drunk ayahuasca closing in 100 times (I’ve lost count), I had drunk it with toe (a very strong and dangerous hallucinogenic plant), I had drunk it with san pedro (another hallucinogenic plant), I had drunk it in amounts where I no longer knew where I was and feared death, where I was shitting and wrenching up pure bile at the same time… I had all but drunk ayahuasca with a goat on a boat.

This time my trip to the Amazon was very different, this was the third Shaman I had worked with between Peru and Ecuador, and it was the first Shaman who told me less ayahuasca not more. After a month without ayahuasca I made my biggest ayahuasca breakthrough yet, experiencing what I call the universal truth (this ceremony is described in my previous post here). One might think that after this, my subsequent ayahuasca ceremonies would be rainbows and unicorns, but they were most definitely not. The next time I drank ayahuasca it would be as challenging as the ceremonies I experienced during the exorcism, my body feels shattered and my mind is as scrambled and incoherent as a static TV channel. My mind is weak the Shaman tells me, unable to hold space for the energy of ayahuasca for a short period of time, the pressure in my head from doing so increasing so much that energetically the Shaman can see steam pouring out of my ears during the ceremony. Needless to say, it is recommended I take another break from ayahuasca (in total I would drink about 7 times during the 2.5 months I was in the Amazon, while others would drink 3 times a week).

I trusted the Shaman’s recommendation about taking ayahuasca as much as I would trust a doctor’s recommendation about taking a medication. I had watched as a couple other westerners passed through the centre, and disregarded the advice and recommendations of the Shaman. They had done the equivalent of a google “self diagnosis” and rather than taking the Shaman’s advice on which plants they needed, they told the Shaman what they needed based on their personal research. In the end, they left disappointed, seeking another Shaman and centre to direct on what plants they needed. As much as I thought I needed to drink more ayahuasca and feared I was wasting my limited time in the jungle by not drinking, I continued to follow the Shaman’s instructions, and something really strange happened.
Despite not drinking, I still knew it was beneficial to take part in the ceremony, trusting that the healing process was still taking place without ayahuasca. As I sat down on my mat the next ceremony, it was actually enjoyable to watch the other participants go up and drink their cup of ayahuasca knowing I wasn’t drinking. Once the final cup was poured and the light extinguished, I settled on my mat knowing it would be another half hour or so before the ceremony would start as the Shamans waiting for the effects of the ayahuasca to set in. I drifted off a bit, in a state of half asleep half awake, something I had perfected during long university lectures in my undergrad. Sometime later I came to and the ceremony was underway, though I was in a different ceremony!

It was the first time in an ayahuasca ceremony I had ever