In this blog post I will touch on 2 important and often misunderstood topics regarding ayahuasca: integration when you leave the jungle and the growing dangers of working with ayahuasca in South America and the precautions tourists need to be taking. 

A fact of life is that all things, good or bad will come to an end. The same holds true when working with ayahuasca, there comes a point where you have to leave and go back to your home, job, family, etc. If you thought the experiences I had in the Amazon described in my prior posts were hard, they have nothing on the hard work that starts the moment you leave. It’s one thing to be healed and find enlightenment in the Amazon, but it’s useless if a person cannot learn to integrate it into their daily lives. Many people will leave the Amazon healed, but when they return to their daily lives they stumble and fall back into old habits and thought processes, myself included. Cynics will immediately dismiss the healing properties of ayahuasca when this happens, stating if it’s such a miracle cure why do some people have to go back again?

I myself struggled with this, I had worked with ayahuasca since 2012 yet this past year while completing a MSc I developed anxiety and depression. There are many claims and I have met a few people who have had their depression healed with ayahuasca so I was very confused. I never had depression or anxiety before, so how I could develop depression after working with ayahuasca? I became frustrated and started to believe that my trips to the Amazon were a waste of money and time. I was concerned that ayahuasca  was ultimately turning into the same life-prescription pill, treating the symptom but never truly getting rid of the source of the illness for me. Before I left on this trip, I had decided that this was to be my last shot with ayahuasca, if it didn’t work I was moving on. Now looking back, I understand that my idea of what healing for me would be, that it was a black and white process where I was either healed of what I came down to be healed from or I wasn’t, and that there was nothing inbetween was a very incorrect view of how the healing process works.

In western society we hold onto this idea that there is an “optimal” state to reach in life whether it be getting a certain job, getting married or reaching a certain weight, and that once we reach this steady state we will live out the rest of our lives in happiness and peace. Now even looking at this idea of a steady or optimal state with basic chemistry shows how unfeasible it is. We know that a chemical reaction reaches a steady state once it is in equilibrium between its products and reactants, this equilibrium is based on not only the base characteristics of the products and reactants in the equation (equilibrium constants), but also a result of their concentration and the pressure and temperature of the system. A steady state with an unchanging equilibrium can only be reached in a closed system, a system where no change in reactants, temperature, pressure, or concentration occurs. The fact of life is, that unless one runs off into isolation in the Himalayan Mountains, life will never be a closed system and reaching a steady state is an impossibility. Things will constantly be changing in life; relationships, health, careers, family, etc. that will shift the reaction so we constantly have to work towards finding balance. 

I had this steady state ideal regarding my healing, and after my previous trips when after returning home for a few months I would start to see old patterns emerge again I would immediately feel that I had lost everything thing I had worked at in my time in the Amazon. If things weren’t exactly how I wanted them to be, then I had wasted my time. I failed to notice the changes within myself not directly related to my healing intention, that I had transformed from a shy, introverted person, to someone with confidence. I remember being amazed when people at my work who I didn’t have much of a personal relationship with and  didn’t know what I was doing on my trips to South America, would comment on the differences they noticed in my demeanor and working style since returning from the Amazon.  Even though my healing is not the linear progress that I want it to be, it does have an overall upward trend. There are always going to be some points where I take a few step backwards, but that is a function of the constant changes in life. I’m starting to see that it’s not just about reaching some end point, but enjoying the journey that my search for healing has taken me on. I would have never traveled to Peru and done the crazy things I have done or met the amazing people I have if I didn’t have the need to seek out alternative healing. Maybe I will always have to travel back to Peru time after time to get myself re-set, or maybe I will slowly get better at keeping myself balanced on my own and reach a point where ayahuasca is no longer part of my life. Who knows, but I will enjoy the ride and where it takes me while I need to be on it.

Now to my second topic point of this blog: the dangers of ayahuasca and precautions tourists should be taking. In recent years interest in ayahuasca has exploded, tourists from all over the world are flocking to South America to partake in ceremonies, willing to pay the price of a Peruvians average weekly wage to sit in one ceremony with 10-40 other participants. With this tourist influx comes two main problems that are leading to increasing numbers of ayahuasca associated fatalities; 1. Untrained “Shamans” emerging, drawn to host ceremonies to take advantage of tourists and their money and, 2. Differences in culture and expectations resulting in  significant and sometimes dangerous miscommunication between legitimate Shamans and westerners.

The first problem, of untrained shamans emerging solely to take advantage of tourists, is the simpler of the two problems for someone traveling to South America to experience ayahuasca to avoid. The Internet holds a wealth of information, and despite ayahuasca’s questionable legality people are very eager to share their experiences, whether on forums, Facebook groups, or blogs.  Discussions and reviews on the good, the bad, and the downright ugly shamans and retreat centres are only a couple keystrokes and a click away. I will not go into all the details of what to expect with a good shaman vs a bad shaman, but will share three main things to look for that with my experience indicate a quality shaman or retreat center. 1. There should be an importance placed on the diet. They should recommend a pre-diet to follow ranging from anywhere between 1 week to 1 month prior to arrival, and a post-diet period after leaving the center. Details on the diet can be found in my prior blogs. 2. They should be working with other plants on a day to day basis, not just ayahuasca or other hallucinogenic plants such a as San Pedro or Toe. These plants are often referred to as master plants, and are prescribed by the shaman to help you with your intention. Again in my prior blogs I go into more information on the master plants. Finally, 3. There should be a sufficient number of shamans and facilitators in each ceremony for how many people are partaking. Personally I think minimum there should be 1 shaman for every 10 participants, and ceremonies should not have much over 20 people. Other people may be comfortable with less or more people, it is a personal preference that one should keep in mind when deciding where to go.  

The second problem arising is that even with the best shamans, there is a cultural disconnect that can result in serious repercussions by either 1. The Shaman not understanding or having any way to know what westerners are doing and bringing with them to the Amazon, and 2. Westerners either placing too much or too little power on the Shaman’s recommendations. Westerners fail to realize that things like antidepressants and vitamin pills can cause serious side effects with ayahuasca, and a Shaman may not directly warn against the use of these substances as in their world these things are not very common. Just because something is not on the restricted list does not mean you can take it. Anything beyond the food being served at the center, should discussed with and given the OK by the shaman. The other cultural disconnect comes from the tourist,  where either they give too much or too little power to the recommendations of the shaman. I’ve seen people who will come down and tell the shaman what they want to do rather than heed the advice of the shaman and wonder why they are not getting any results, and then their are the people who will take what the shaman says as gold, which I think is far more dangerous. When I first started working with ayahuasca I was like this, and willing to do whatever if the shaman said it would help (only in regards to plant medicines, that there are shamans out there taking sexual advantage of people on a similar premise is a different topic), which for me usually meant drinking more ayahuasca when I didn’t want to. I had to realize that while sometimes it’s important to listen to the shamans advice, sometimes you have to listen to yourself. I do believe that ayahuasca can affect some people stronger   than others especially westerners, which shamans don’t quite understand as in their culture ayahuasca has been drunk for generations and I think that they have physically adapted over time to drink it. Similar to when alcohol was introduced to the North American natives, they were unable to tolerate drinking it at the same levels as the Europeans. 

A recent ayahuasca related death of a American woman hit close to home for me as it was with the shaman that I first worked with when starting ayahuasca. While people were quick to deem the shaman as malicious, as someone knowing the shaman and the facilitator I think it was more likely a result from the cultural disconnect I described above. The type of ceremony performed by this shaman is a bit different than the average ayahuasca ceremony, where instead of drinking a shot of concentrated ayahuasca, you drink liters of dilute tea made from only the vine component of ayahuasca (it does not include the leaves that contain the hallucinogenic compound in ayahuasca DMT). I remember the first time I partook in this ceremony well, everyone was supposed to drink until they vomited and then drink some more and repeat the process until physically unable to continue. Some people drank 20+ bowls, I however could only get through 2.5 bowls even though the shaman was there telling me to drink more! The little I drank left me unable to walk, very sensitive to sound and sight, with no idea where I was, and vomiting up pure bile for hours. I was lucky as I managed to make it to a bathroom which I refused to leave as it was one place that shut out the sights and sounds and felt somewhat safe. Those who had drunk far more didn’t have near the effects that I suffered. 

When I heard about the recent death in this type of ceremony I had to wonder if the same might have befallen me had I listened to the shaman and kept drinking. Is it possible that me and her are rare cases that are over sensitive to ayahuasca, but unlike my experience did she heed the shamans advice to drink, drink, drink, resulting in her reaching a state where she was forcefully throwing herself on the ground repeatedly resulting in a broken neck? For myself, I have worked with three different shamans, and two out of those three shamans told me to drink more ayahuasca when I was struggling physically and mentally everytime I drank. The third however told me not to drink, that ayahuasca was not helpful for me at that point and my experience with that shaman ended up being the most profound (more on this in in my previous blogs). For anyone considering working with these shamans, it is important to remember that shamans are much like doctors, sometimes their prescriptions that worked for someone else won’t work for the next person.  Just because they work on an energy plane that most people cannot see does not mean that they can see everything that is wrong with you and know exactly what needs to be done, sometimes there is trial and error. You as a patient have to be aware and active in the process.

My final word of advice to anyone considering going to South America for ayahuasca is to take a good hard look and why you are seeking this experience. If you are in anyway looking to “trip balls,” just stay home. These types of ayahuasca tourists make it more dangerous  for those legitimately trying to heal themselves with ayahuasca. It’s becoming a selling point for Shamans to have the “strongest” brews, often mixing in other plants so tourists have the trip they are looking for. A recent death in December showed the results of this quest for a big trip,  ending with  a tourist fatally stabbing their friend who attacked them while under the influence of an ayahuasca brew mixed with leaves of the coca plant. Traditionally shamans were the only ones who drunk ayahuasca in a ceremony and those seeking healing did not, and whether or not you have a big trip has little do do with the healing you recieve. Take it from someone who has never had the big DMT light show or talked with aliens, but still managed to find healing.