Oh you’re planning a trip? Who are you going with?? Are you meeting someone?

These are the common questions I was faced with when I told anyone about my plans to travel around the world. To some it was unfathomable that traveling to remote corners of the world was something that could be done alone even as a women, and going alone was something I actually wanted to do. It seemed like they would rather get a root canal than venture out into the great unknown without some form of companionship. When they finally did believe that my plans were serious, there was a common opinion of me; “You must be really brave.”

Me. Brave? I don’t think so. I had been traveling solo to Peru and Ecuador for the past four years, and never once thought of myself as brave. Stupid, yes, often. But brave, never. There seems to be this stigma held that traveling is this big scary thing, and when you’re traveling without planned tour, not in a resort, and on your own, especially as a women, you must be narrowly avoiding rape and near death at every corner. Traveling solo as a women is painted as this big scary thing, I can’t put a number to the amount of blogs written on the subject, telling one what to do, what not to do, advice making one afraid to leave their trip-advisor approved hostel, turning traveling into a chore rather than fun.

The majority of the people you will meet anywhere in the world are just REGULAR people, though cultural norms and certain idiosyncrasies may be very different than home, at the heart the majority of people will be governed by the same moral compass. What does this mean for a young solo female traveler? Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do at home and trust your instincts if you are. Many of the horror stories one hears about solo travelers arise when people see travel as an opportunity  to let out their inner wild child with people they will never see again. An important part of traveling is the opportunities that push you out of your comfort zone, but there is a striking difference between bungee jumping or hitch hiking with friendly locals and taking drugs at a club or going somewhere with someone because they pressured you (prepare yourself to be assertive in saying no to men’s advances, being a tourist you will experience an aggressive level of pressure from locals not only in markets, but all the way to romantic offerings as well).

I only started travelling when I was 23, so maybe I never put off the same vibe to attract the same frequency of negative situations as a more naive 18 year old might, or maybe more stories sell when they focus and elaborate on the negative side of situations, but on my travels, the majority of the time I felt safe. I wandered cities at night, took local buses, hitchhiked, drank the water, drank some alcoholic beverages, and talked to people (including men) that I met. All alone. I never felt I was in any danger, though not all my encounters with the opposite sex on my travels were positive.

On a trip to Ecuador, I had a rather uncomfortable run in with a local male. While wandering the beach in broad daylight I became aware of a young local following me. I had wandered off the main beach onto a rocky outcropping, though two other tourists were visible a few hundred meters ahead. I continued on though not completely comfortable with the man now following me, and just to be safe I picked up a “walking stick” off the trail. As I wandered among the tide pools attempting to catch some of the little crabs, the local started to try to engage in conversation with me. The polite Canadian in me could not just tell him to go away, as he started speaking to me in Spanish I figured he would soon clue in to my terrible understanding of Spanish and give up.

He was not to be deterred that easy though, and with broken English he pushed on, inviting me to dinner at his house that night. Unable to shake my polite Canadian demeanor and just tell him to %$&* off, I had to get creative in my evasion tactics. Drawing on my grade 7 curriculum of a semester of mandatory french class, I decided that posing as a French Canadian was a viable option, “Solo hablo Frances” I responded to his invite shrugging my shoulders with a blank look (I should mention I would have failed French class had I not seen the final exam the day before I had to write it). Thinking I was finally in the clear I started to walk away, he called me back and I turned around to see him holding out a crab he had caught. I couldn’t deny my inner 5 year old that was desperate to catch one, so I walked over and took it from him.

As I looked up from the crab I had so desperately wanted to catch, I was shocked to find that the local had pulled down his pants and was giving me a full view! I quickly dropped the crab and while grasping my multi-functional walking stick said “umm no thanks!” while turning and walking quickly away towards the other tourists. He seemed to finally get the hint and did not attempt to pursue me. I was in a very touristy area known for partying, drugs and alcohol, so as much as I couldn’t fathom this approach to women ever working, I knew it must have worked once down the line for it to become something attempted in broad daylight.  I had wanted to catch some crabs on my walk, but not the type of crabs he was offering!

While some of the men I had met in South America seemed very forward, they had nothing on how men treated solo females in India. Many young men I crossed paths with seemed to think that foreign females travelling on their own must be desperate for male companionship, despite them vocalizing the opposite. Whether walking down the street, sitting at a cafe, or riding on a train; doing anything without a males companionship was the equivalent of wearing a big red sign saying “single and ready to mingle.” It was not uncommon to be approached by a local and interrogated about ones marital status. I learned to never, ever say that I was single. Though claiming a boyfriend or even wearing pretend wedding ring did very little to deter their pursuits, often claiming that when one is on holiday those commitments are as well.

I was surprised at the aggression that could result if I tried to politely dismiss their advances like I would do at home and had done in South American countries. One evening I ended up being invited to an Indian wedding by a tour operator. I was told that other tourists would be coming, and having heard that Indian weddings are not to be missed I accepted the invite. As soon as I arrived I felt the urge to leave, it was not the spectacle I had been led to believe, as soon as I arrived the tour guide ushered me into a small room where illicit alcohol was being served. Only one fellow tourist had managed to make the wedding, and feeling rather out of place I took a seat beside him and made conversation.

Not long after, and a few shots of whiskey later, the tour guide who had brought me pulled me away from the other tourist. He told me that he was offended that I would be talking to another man when he had brought me as his guest. Feeling really uncomfortable and knowing this night was on a crash course for a finale I did not care to be a part of, I demanded that I drive myself back to my guesthouse immediately. A younger me would have stayed to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, part of me believing that the tour guide had honorable intentions, but the few years of traveling I had under my belt had wizened me to nip these situations in the bud. In India especially, anything that was not a clear and aggressive “no” was interpreted that there was still an opportunity to pursue.

A few weeks later at the guesthouse I was staying at, over the course of a few days the cook had gotten progressively aggressive to another female tourist, not taking no for an answer. Finally, one morning things escalated after he had tried to lure her into his room, matters were dealt with in a rather western justice manner, a couple men showing up and “discussed” the matter with the cook in his room. Some time later, the cook emerged stiffly from the room sporting a freshly forming black eye, and was fired on the spot with his wages for the month given to the girl. Though I had been experiencing some of the Indian male forwardness, it was the first time I had witnessed it escalating to that level. Within the context of the spiritual hub of Rishikesh, it was a shock to the system to witness how the situation was handled, and a part of me sympathized with the cook.

For any female considering travelling solo to any country (especially India), be forewarned that it will be a challenging experience, but don’t let that deter you. Travelling solo will be the most rewarding thing you ever do, and something that is only possible at certain points in your life (I am told that the average person will spend a very little proportion of their life single (slightly hard to believe as a perpetually single person, who’s longest relationship lasted 3 month, with two of those months spend building up the courage to break it off), then factor in kids, and solo time will be a thing of the past!). Unless you have never lived outside of your parents basement, you will have the skills and instincts to travel solo without mishap, while wandering more than a block from the hostel, going out at night, and riding local transit despite what online articles and blogs may say. Just be prepared for local women looking at you like you have a terminal illness upon learning you are not married!