Rishikesh, India is a very special place… And with that comes some situations and experiences you would never have the privilege to stumble across in your home country. With the influx of lost westerners searching for meaning, Rishikesh has turned into a spiritual “resort” destination. A result of this is that (as much as we may say we try not to) westerner culture has had a significant impact on the local culture, and our attempts to merge the two cultures results in (at times) some pretty comical outcomes. Firstly; dating. I don’t mean to sound cynical as I fall into this crowd, but about 70% of the population in Rishikesh consists of single western women searching for meaning in life, and lets get really honest, most women are going to tell you their number one goal in life is to find their soul mate/twin flame/other half/pool boy or whatever definition is trending these days. Having this type of demographic has made Rishikesh a dating hot-spot for the more forward locals and tourists alike. This, combined with the saturation of spirituality in the area makes for a whole different dating ball game than typical, requiring a vast new approach and vocabulary of spiritual pickup lines.

Now, spiritual pickup lines have the same cheesiness and validity along the lines of “Did you fall from heaven, because you look like an angel,” but if you throw the right spiritual terms in, somehow credibility ensures. Here’s a quick look at some of the classics:

• I just met you, but I feel this connection that I know you from a past life;
• I saw your aura from across the room, and it was like a magnet drawing me to you;
• I can feel our souls are vibrating on the same, higher frequency;
• OMG, you’re a (insert astrological sign here)! I’m a (insert astrological sign), our signs are the most sexually compatible match up possible in the zodiac world;
• In my dream last night I had a vision we would meet like this;
• The energy between us is so strong, I can feel it pulsating in my heart chakra (but really most likely pulsating in the root chakra… Spiritual humor.);
• Would you like to practice tantra yoga with a master?; and,
• I can help awaken your kundalini.

Really, this list goes on and on, and maybe one day I’ll come back to it. You are probably reading this thinking, yeah right, none of those actually work, but I assure you, in Rishikesh they do. I was inspired to write this blog post by a couple I met at the guesthouse I was staying at. The girl was eastern European, late teens to early twenties, somewhat typical of the gypsy millennial generation, directionless with the naivety that all young adults have. Nothing really much different than many other of the women travelers passing through Rishikesh, what was different was her traveling partner she was sharing the one-bed private room with. He was a much older Indian man, probably somewhere in his late 40’s, whose appearance and demeanor just screamed sleazeball. Naturally, me and some of the other guests were curious as to how this pairing came about. While the man was a bit avoidant on personal questions, the girl immediately and rather adamantly told us that they knew each other from a past life and had a deep soul connection. The man never confirmed nor denied this fact, but just seemed to enjoy the all expense paid tour of India he got to take part on as a result of this past-life connection. As I write this I wonder what happened down the line. Did they maintain their “connection” once she had to return home, did she stay in India, or was I correct in my thoughts that the pairing was indicative of repressed daddy issues that needed to be faced rather than having anything to do with a soul connection? I will never know.

With the abundance of spirituality in the area, not only does one need to change their approach to the dating game, but there is also a entire “spiritual” language that one must translate when having or listening to conversations in the cafes. With at least two or three different self-proclaimed enlightened masters giving satsangs every day (including the Canadian who (as an embarrassment to all Canadians) gave himself the title of “God”), and 90% of the people taking a yoga teacher training course, many of us tourists even start to speak this language. Some key translations to remember that will bring a new light and clarity to the conversations you might hear in Rishikesh or someone just returning from there are:

• My lunar energy is high.
  • Translation: I’m acting crazy as $%#@ because I have PMS
• It’s nearing a full moon
  • Translation: I’m acting crazy as $%#@ for no reason
• I experienced ego death
  • Translation: My ego is so big and out of control that it has convinced me it’s dead
• I connected with the divine
  • Translation: I took some really really good drugs
• I have really good karma
  • Translation: I’m only nice to you and do good things because I believe I will get some future spiritual reward, I don’t actually like you or would do those things without incentive
• I’m one of (insert Guru name here)’s most loyal and favored students
  • Translation: I’ve given him my life savings
• Mercury is in retrograde
  • Translation: Again, my current level of craziness is in no way related to my actual personality
• He helped awaken my kundalini
  • Translation: I had the most intense orgasm of my life
• I saw ____ in my dream, it was a sign I should do ____
  • Translation: I am looking for a way to justify my actions so if I fail I have something to blame

Again, this list can go on and on. One day there may actually be a Rosetta stone program; learn to speak Spirituality in 30 days (any takers to invest in developing this with me??)! As with any language, there is a bit of skill and experience required to know when someone is bullshitting you, but if the situation involves some type of monetary exchange or sex, 9 times out of 10 (especially in India) whatever they are saying no matter how “spiritual” it sounds, is BS.